your mother is sooooo jewish that

She cried at your bris, primarily because you weren't engaged yet
She calls her best dish "seconds"
She goes to the doctor for any small thing, but mostly just to give out your picture to single MDs
She thinks Joan Rivers and Fran Drescher are annoying even though she sounds exactly like them
She signed you up for the wedding registry at Sacks after your first shabbos walk
She has your resume on hand for any dating potentials
She knows the dating status of most of the eastern seaboard
She packs you leftovers before you eat
She checks onlysimchas more than you do
She has a sleeping shaitel
She sends you daily emails with profiles from Frumster and Jdate
If it was up to her she would wear her robe (shabbos robe) all day long. And it is up to her.
She leaves a desperate "CALL ME BACK IMMEDIATELY" message on your machine, just to tell you all the new shul gossip
If she hears you like something she will get it in bulk
When you have kids, she pre-registers at Saks Fifth Ave
She cries when seeing an airport, cause it reminds her of sending her kids off somewhere
She has an entire wedding, bris, bar miztvah, graduation photo albums in her purse
She's 3rd cousins with everyone reading this email
She has called you 6 times today just to ask you how your day is going - its 8am
She cried at your bar/bat mitzvah, primarily because you weren't engaged yet
She hoards Sweet N' Low packets in her pocket book, even though she has a box at home
\r\n She listens to JM in the AM at night\r\n She always has leftovers wrapped up to go, including that of the table \r\n next to yours (what, I should let this go to waste?)\r\n She cried at your graduation, primarily because you weren\'t engaged \r\n yet\r\n She covers her hair in the shower\r\n She expects everyone to understand her incoherent Yiddish, including the \r\n cleaners\r\n She has no concept of whispering\r\n She does all her Pesach shopping for next Pesach the night after Passover \r\n ends, to get all essentials on sale\r\n She has a secret crush on Matt Lauer that she lets everyone know \r\nabout\r\n She confides in librarians and grocery checkout people more than her \r\n therapist\r\n If she ever met Ghandi she would offer him a 7-course meal and not stop \r\n until every bite was finished\r\n She could find Osama through her power of guilt ("Would it kill you to \r\n pick up the phone and call me?")\r\n She has served you egg salad every Tuesday for ten years, because you once \r\n said you loved egg salad when you were 6\r\n She sets an extra seat at the shabbos table, just in case you meet you \r\n bashert on the way to her house\r\n She will never let you leave the house without a coat, a dating \r\n interrogation and a bag of shabbos leftovers\r\n She puts gefilte fish in your lunch bag with a little cup of chrain and 2 \r\n forks\r\n She has her wardrobe segmented by religious sects (frum, charedi, \r\n zionistic, modern, mixed dancing)\r\n She encourages you to do whatever you want with your life so long as it \r\n includes grandchildren\r\n Anytime she hears a dish fall, she screams \'mazal tov!\'\r\n When I saw your mom carrying 10 shopping bags from Bloomingdales the other \r\n day, I said what are you doing, she said exercising\r\n When you give her Mothers Day gift you can faintly hear her muttering \r\n "Just one grandchild, is that too much to ask for?",1]
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She listens to JM in the AM at night
She always has leftovers wrapped up to go, including that of the table next to yours (what, I should let this go to waste?)
She cried at your graduation, primarily because you weren't engaged yet
She covers her hair in the shower
She expects everyone to understand her incoherent Yiddish, including the cleaners
She has no concept of whispering
She does all her Pesach shopping for next Pesach the night after Passover ends, to get all essentials on sale
She has a secret crush on Matt Lauer that she lets everyone know about
She confides in librarians and grocery checkout people more than her therapist
If she ever met Ghandi she would offer him a 7-course meal and not stop until every bite was finished
She could find Osama through her power of guilt ("Would it kill you to pick up the phone and call me?")
She has served you egg salad every Tuesday for ten years, because you once said you loved egg salad when you were 6
She sets an extra seat at the shabbos table, just in case you meet you bashert on the way to her house
She will never let you leave the house without a coat, a dating interrogation and a bag of shabbos leftovers
She puts gefilte fish in your lunch bag with a little cup of chrain and 2 forks
She has her wardrobe segmented by religious sects (frum, charedi, zionistic, modern, mixed dancing)
She encourages you to do whatever you want with your life so long as it includes grandchildren
Anytime she hears a dish fall, she screams 'mazal tov!'
When I saw your mom carrying 10 shopping bags from Bloomingdales the other day, I said what are you doing, she said exercising
When you give her Mothers Day gift you can faintly hear her muttering "Just one grandchild, is that too much to ask for?