moshiach jokes

A Jew comes home from synagogue and tells his wife: “They say the Messiah is coming any day, and will take us all to Israel.”
The wife becomes hysterical. “Oh no! It would be terrible. It took years till we could finally move into this neighborhood and buy the house we wanted. Now we’ve spent a fortune fixing it up. I don’t want the Messiah to take us away.”
“Okay, okay, don’t worry,” the husband says. “We survived Pharaoh, we survived Haman. With G-d’s help, we’ll survive the Messiah too!”


Two people waiting at a bus stop, and the bus is taking a long time to come. One person turns to the other and says “We have been waiting so long for this bus! It is like waiting for the Moshiach!”
The other responds, “Not at all! The Messiah will definitely come eventually; as for the bus...”


A man visits a zoo and is taken to the lion’s cage. He witnesses there the literal fulfillment of 1saiah prophecy — a lion and a calf in a cage together.
Amazed, he calls over an attendant. “How long have you had a lion an a calf in a cage together?” “Over a year already.”
“How do you do it?”
“It’s easy. Every morning we put in a new calf.”


According to one medieval folktale, two men arrived in a Yemenite town and told the inhabitants that the Messiah was arriving that night and would transport them all to Israel. The people were instructed to remain on their roofs the entire night, but Moshiach did not come. In the morning, when they went down from the roofs, the strangers were gone -- as well as the townspeople's possessions.


A Rabbi once told his congregants:
When Moshiach comes there will be a long line, with everybody rushing to greet him”.
I, however will not rush. To the contrary, I’ll try to be last on line. “When my turn comes Moshiach will ask me: “R. Mendel! Where were you until now?!” I will reply: “Moshiach, Where were you until now?!