top ten ways you know you are at a jewish thanksgiving dinner

10. Your grandmother asks for the gravy by requesting "the turkey schmaltz"
9. "The turkey is served!" line is followed by someone cracking open an expired Empire deli pack
8. Leftover vegetable kugel is suddenly titled "stuffing"
7. Your neighbor comes over to borrow your hat and jacket for his Pilgrim outfit
6. Someone accidentally starts singing shalom aleichem
5. Dinner is delayed while family clears off the table of Macy’s coupons
4. Meal cancelled due to prohibition on using Indian customs and the fact that your mom is busy cooking for shabbos
3. Homemade pies are from Supersol
2. Someone shares a really bad gematria dvar torah connecting Pocahontas and Hashem
1. It's Friday night.