classic definitions and cool meanings

• Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
• Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
• Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
• Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
• Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
• Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power .
• Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
• Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
• Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
• Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
• Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
• Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
• Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
• Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
• Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
• Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says midway "See I am not injured yet.
• " Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
• Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
• Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
• Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
• Computer Engineer: Someone who gets paid for reading these type of mails.